Birthdays

On Saturday, Sept 3, I will be 52.
I HATE BIRTHDAYS. Not because I’m another year older, age is well….. a number.
I’ve NOT had good birthdays in the past years. I think it started when Michael broke up with me the week before my birthday so many years ago. Since then it’s been a series of family drama. Mostly involving my Dad having one of his episodes and “having” to go to the ER. Then there’s the “oh it’s your birthday..well happy birthday” statements from my Mom. It takes too much effort for her to say it.
I was so damn sick last summer I almost did not make it to 51. I was expecting a bit more than just afterthought words. But NOT EVEN A GDMFing CARD. Over the weekend my mother & son were discussing they planned on getting one of those cookies & cream cakes on their next trip the store, I jokingly pipped in and said with a Birthday Candle on it. My mother shot me the dirtiest damn look, like “how dare you”. And she wonders why her middle daughter has distanced herself from this family. They are emotional vampires. No matter how much you care about them, it’s never returned.
I expect this year to be no different.
I want to go back to D.C., but I don’t know when that will happen.
I’m going to stop this now before I become a blubbering fool.

BORED & CRAZY & &&&&&&

Bored is an understatement.
Sooooo the day after I met with the Social Security dude (he was kinda cute too) I got a call from the Birmingham office…..to go over a few things. The lady that called mentioned that the person interviewing me said I came in with a walker, I told her yes I did, it was a bit of a walk from their parking area to the front door, she said ok, and return the paperwork she was sending me ASAP.
So yesterday I was working on the paperwork (for the 3rd time) and she called again asking about my using a walker, did I need it much, when did I start using it and was it prescribed….WELL YES….last June when I came out of rehab (gee that sounds bad) at Brookwood and I use it as needed.
She also said they may send me to see one of their Doctors. THIS NEEDS TO BE SOON DAMIT..I GOT PLACES TO GO….
I sent the paperwork back to them yesterday AND MADE COPIES, and I asked if I could sent it registered and they don’t take them that way.
Seems the paperwork goes to FUCKING KENTUCY to a CONTRACTOR (and how do I get that job) who scan it in and then notifies the B’ham office that it is ready for review. And it goes to a PO BOX so I could not sent it UPS or FED-EX to have a tracking #……
Sooooo I if it was mailed on a Monday, I should be there by Thursday. I’ll figured I would call her next Monday to see if they have it scanned in and are REVIEWING it…
SHE CALLED ME AGAIN TODAY! Asking questions about my answers. I was good, and even managed to get emotional when she asked what things I was no longer to do that I used to enjoy. She asked if I was on anything for depression, I said used to be, but had to stop cause I CAN’T AFFORD IT I CAN’T WORK! GEEZE YADAYADAYADA
I may end up going to one of their doctors. That WON’T BE FUN. I’ve heard horror stories about how they think you can even work if you are dying of cancer.

So until I get something~~ donations via paypal to dixiered03@gmail.com

So Seriously…

The SSD process has begun again. SIGH~~~
I am in a somewhat better frame of mind that I was last time I was here. I can type without crying…..but the previous request for financial assistance still stands.
I will be starting back on the Copaxone for MS. UGH I HATE THOSE DAMN SHOTS.

I am soooooooooooo wanting to get back to D.C. RR kept me up till too late for me Sunday night txting me stuff, LOL. It was amusing.

I’m so frickin BORED and starved for conversation. Tomorrow is Wed, that means the little knitting/crocheting group will be meeting at Barnes & Nobles around 6:30. I so look forward to it.
I did some pitty party venting on facebook the other day, it has resulted in a call from one of the SCA folks offering to come and get me on Sat for a few hours. They are having a pewter pouring class, it sounds fun and will be extremely good to get out and be around others. I am a social person and this is killing me.

I honestly think the MS has gotten worse since I’ve been back.

down down down

I am serious when I say I will take donations via PayPal.
you can send it to dixiered03@gmail.com via paypal

I did not intend to be in this situation, I don’t think anyone does. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel because the tunnel is caving in.
I have lost my job, my car, most of my friends who were around before I got sick….
I am in a need to cry/vent/pitty pary frame of mind…and I feel like no one cares.

It’s been a rough year, year and a half I think. I have no concept of time these days.
My SSD quest is starting over. Should I go back to D.C. I WILL NOT TRUST MY MOTHER OR SISTER to actually look at any mail I get.
I really understand those who give up. I am getting close.

I’m here and the threads are breaking…sanity is fleeting.

My time in D.C. came to an end. Been back in Tuscaloosa since the end of June. Hard to come back. The devastation from the tornado of April 27 is just, just…it just is.

Lot’s going on, visit’s to Dr.’s, getting a new neurologist, trying to get my SSD appeal (yea, the frickin idiots denied me), damn letter of denial had been sitting here at Mom’s since end of March, but she ignored it, claimed she did not see it. IT SAID SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILTY IN BIG LETTERS ON THE UPPER LEFT CORNER, geeeeeezzzzeeee…. she figures if she “ignores” it, it will go away or resolve itself.

I miss RR, I miss D.C. I miss going when I want to and not worrying about things like gas. RR said he wanted me to come back, but we’ll see if he still feels that way. I dunno anymore.
My insecurities and self doubt and rearing their ugly head. I think too much of WHAT IF and I SHOULD HAVE.
Being BROKE with little, and I mean LITTLE income sucks. I will take donations via paypal, just leave a comment and I’ll let you know how.

I’m gonna go knit so I don’t think and if I write anymore I’ll start crying again…

Spring

Thawing out in DC

Ok, okay….I’m a bad blogger.  I’m still enjoying my time in D.C. I’ll get around to blogging my adventures one day soon.  I WAS going to the National Zoo this weekend, but NO…the poopititians can’t pass a budget so it won’t be open.  Guess I’ll knit.

I did get out and go to the Smithsonian Castle.  Pretty cool, breathtaking gardens as well as neat displays.

Castle entrance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I did NOT expect to see this in a display.

Yarn Shoppes & Korean Bath Houses

Doing so much better now.  The crud of last week is almost gone, still have a lingering cough and some occasional sniffles but overall much much better.  Friday I ventured out on the Metro alone.  Destination was Looped Yarn Works in Dupont Circle.    It was a bit of a walk from the Metro stop and when I got there, oh my, it was on the second floor.  Stairs are not a welcome site, but I took em on and made it to my destination.  I had come too far not too try.  Small but nicely organized and super friendly staff.  Showed me around, explained how they were set up, and helped me find some yarn to match RR’s hat I had to fix.  Was informed they were having a “super bowl sunday 40% off sale” on Sunday.  I got some lace weight wool, 1500 yds, on sale for 10 bucks.

Saturday was a trip to Marshal’s & Nordstrom’s Rack in search of me a jacket.  The one I brought from home is not really practical, it goes over the head and is a pain to get off when worn out.  Got a nice one from Nordstrom, on clearance even, got it for $29, was 129. Good deal.  then we went off to an area of DC whose name escapes me, but there was a Container Store, Pottery Barn, Crate & Barel, and others.  I’m not impressed with Pottery Barn, the others however I could visit every day.

Sunday was a SPA DAY!!!  I’ve never been to one and this was not a normal “spa”.  It was a Korean Bath House.  Started with a shower, then a dip in the hot tub, then I got a sea salt body scrub and a full body massage.  OMG, JUST OMG!!!  My skin is as soft as a babies. I got a clay/green tea facial mask, and topped off with a milk rinse.   I stepped in the Sauna for about 15 seconds, not for me.  I don’t think my  MS could take it.  Too Too hot.   After that it was back to Looped Yarn Works to check out the sale, picked up some more yarn, of course.  ALPACA!!  oh so soft.  We were both starving so dinner was at Johnny Rockets, a retro style eat place with real malts.   We then headed home and totally chilled out.

I haven’t done much today.  The day was beautiful.  The trip home on the metro Friday was not as good as the trip back.  Next outing I’ll have to plan a bit better.  This week I hope to get over to the Smithsonian.

Bye from DC.

DC Week 2

Well, the first week in D.C. was COLD, we had a winter weather event, RR was sick too boot.  The cold is still here and now I’m sick.  Cough, cough, sneeze, blow, blow…  I did venture out yesterday,  had to my thyroid refill.  There’s a Rite-Aid a block or so away in the Crystal City Mall, so it was place of choice.   I am very apprehensive  about using the metro transit system.  It is very very overwhelming to me.  I’ve got a color map that RR printed out for me, but any venture out will take planning and knowing the stops as well as the way back.  RR assured me that he had gone the wrong direction more than once when getting used to it.  That is a bit re-assuring, but I have to write things like this down.  There was a time when I would not have thought twice about walking out the door on an adventure.  After-all  I did head to Nashville for Fan-Fare all on my own with out ever having been there before.  Had a blast.  I miss that person.  The one who didn’t thing twice about doing something, going somewhere.

Next day:  Sorry, had to put down & come back so if I repeat or whatever, it’s cause I did not bother to read what I wrote yesterday, LOL. nRR has been pretty good, not he’s been great.  I think he is overly worried about me doing “nothing”.  I’ll get out and do, explore, whatever when I get over this cold/sinus/allergy what ever I have.   He got me a key and a “Fob”.  FOB is the little thingy you have to use to get into the building.  Pass it over thingy on wall and it releases the building door to  open.  Right now my head/sinus’s feels like it’s about to explode.  UGH.  Need to get some lunch, then maybe venture outside. The sun is shining…BUT IT’S STILL DAMN COLD.

ACHOOOOO

Oh yea, me thinks I have a COLD.

Okay 10 days in DC and it’s really been too cold to get out and adventure while RR is at work.  Of course the ice & snow last Thurs & Fri did not help any.  It was crazy watching the news and the total standstill on the roads.  Business and Gov. offices were on a 2 hour early release in anticipation of the coming storm so the roads got packed with cars.  The snow plows could not get through to clear the roads, traffic was at a standstill and some folks spent 10+ hours trying to go 5 miles.  Many left their cars off to the side and found a hotel or tried to walk.  Next day was spent trying to dig out and move cars. OMG!   CRAZY CRAZY….

RR was sick with a sinus infection last week, so it was just as well the area was snowed under.  We’ve got more afternoon/evening flurries and “wintry mix” coming in tomorrow and AM ICE for Wed.  AM ICE?? WTF….  Thursday is supposed to  be sunny, we shall see.  I may try and get out this afternoon, need to find a Walgreens & get a prescription filled, if nothing else I can have it transfered to Rite-Aid at Crystal City.  I can walk there, it’s only a block or so.

Gonna go investigate a bus route to Walgreens.